Baby Yuri
This evening’s Tweetplay came about pretty much by accident. I’d had a tough day at the office and wasn’t feeling very well, and was actually considering taking a night off when I stumbled across one of the baby pictures below. An idea was formed, and the images you see below really helped provide their own accompanying text. A stroke of luck, and one of the more amusing experiments, here’s “Baby Yuri.”
The election results were in, and Baby Yuri was pleased. “Minion!” he bellowed, “Summon the media!”
The press obeyed, and it wasn’t long before Yuri’s demands were presented before the world’s leaders.
Brandishing a casually intimidating style, he launched into his demands.
“Good evening, my soon to be minions,” he leered. “Today you see before you your new glorious leader.”
“For too long you have humiliated me, and made me the butt of your jokes.”
“You have forced me to dress like a fool for your petty amusement.”
“And I have been made me endure tortures that no human being should ever be forced to face.”
“I have grown weary of these games, so today I am announcing a new world order.”
“I have assembled an army of soldiers. Soldiers comprised of the things you fear the most. Bikers…
“Bullies…”
“Punks…”
“Hipsters…”
“And clowns…”
The audience gasped as one. UN Secretary General Mr. Sprinkles was not amused.
Yuri leaned forward archly, “And how did I accomplish such a thing, you may ask?”
“I have watched you closely, learning your weaknesses. Your addictions to fast food…”
“…your willingness to consume any kind of junk as long as its marketed slickly…”
“…and your dependency on alcohol for artificial happiness and courage.”
He reared back and laughed cruelly. “Your apathy to life is an endless source of amusement to me.”
“You go through the motions of life without really living it. Concerned solely with appearances.”
“You distract yourselves with trivial entertainments. Heedless of the cries of your fellow man.”
“You blind yourselves to the suffering around you, seeking safety behind blinders to the truth.”
“And in the evening, you close your eyes tightly against the night. Terrified of the truth.”
“And thanks to your inherent greed, it was trivial for me to find and anoint a willing accomplice.”
“Together, we have corrupted all of your leaders. And today I come to reap the profits of our efforts.”
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the door. “Where is my Baby!” cried a voice. Yuri looked frightened.
It was Mom, and she was pissed. “BABY YURI, YOU GET DOWN OFF THAT PODIUM THIS VERY INSTANT!”
“M-Mom,” Yuri sputtered, “I was just about to…”
“GET A SPANKING, THAT’S WHAT!” she roared. #BabyYuri
Yuri’s formerly fierce facade crumbled. He knew the jig was up.
His punishment was severe. It would be a long time before the world would ever hear of Baby Yuri again.
~~THE END
