Dreams of Arcadia

This was the first of the Tweetplays to come from suggestions from followers.  When I first announced the “suggestion box” was open, there was an active conversation going on about the lack of sex in the Twilight films, and one of my followers suggested I do a “smutty” vampire tale.  The following was the result.

The thrill of the forbidden, the agony of the weak, “The Bondage of the Smutty Vampire Spam-bot.”  This one’s for you @PlaidGirl

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Once upon a time, there lived a smutty vampire:

He was mild in appearance, but beneath a calm exterior lay a heart of rapacious greed and lust.

He stalked the streets at night, seeking to feed his desire for life’s blood:

This night began like any other, with a stop at the chipper’s:

The the chippers were particularly loquacious:

A woman appeared, dark, and seductive. She had excellent dental hygiene:

She slinked up to him and their eyes met for a piercing moment. Desire coursed between them.

“How you doin’?” he breathed, smuttily. “Fancy sharing a bowl of chips?”:

“I prefer curry,” she said with foreshadowy force, “It pleases me.”:

He smiled, “I certainly aim to… please… if you know what I mean.” She smiled. A bass began to play.

This guy was playing:

They talked while they ate, about the usual things: ennui, indie pop, and “The Bachelorette”.

She mentioned her brother was an athlete:

He mentioned his brother was a chemist:

It had to be fate, or maybe gas, but he knew he had to go home with her. Tonight. He asked. She accepted.

They retired to her house by the sea:

It was there the horror would begin.

He was halfway through the door when she tased him:

He awoke to find himself bound and gagged:

“How about some music?” she said teasingly, gesturing at the wall:

He flinched in horror as the sounds of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” issued forth from the monstrosity.

She laughed cruelly. So did her cat:

“Do you suffer from erectile disfunction?”, she asked evilly:

She laughed as his tears came. “Did you know your PC is infected with spyware?”:

[IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you ever get an error message like the above on your PC, IGNORE IT. Clicking ANYTHING on on the message will infect your computer with spyware, which can lead to your identity being stolen.]

“Why,” he gasped, “why are you doing this to me?”

“I’ll tell you why!” she roared, flinging open her robes:

His mind crumbling, he grasped at thoughts of the good old days:

“I want my life back,” he sobbed into his gimp mask. “I didn’t do anything to deserve this.”

“Oh, yes,” she said. “Yes you did.”:

~~ THE END